Editorial: Politeness begins in conversation

You may have heard an old saying, often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

This is a moment in history when the spirit of that phrase looms large, and it’s good to keep it in mind as you speak to your friends and neighbors this election and holiday season.

Pictured above: The Southold community holds hands as they celebrate the work of Martin Luther King Jr. in 2020.

It’s easy to engage in a debate with someone if you don’t share their views, but it’s much harder to take a moment, step back and ask yourself with genuine curiosity how another person relates to another Conclusion about the state of… matters than you.

Perhaps their childhood experiences in a different time or part of the world, or in a different political system or culture, have shaped their views. Maybe they lived somewhere where ideas you think are great have already been tried and failed in practice. Perhaps they came to their current conclusions after years of disappointment when the ideals of their youth did not match the reality they had grown into.

Maybe they have evidence you haven’t seen. Maybe her training failed her. Perhaps a world without their strong beliefs is too lonely for them to imagine. Maybe they’ve never had the opportunity to have a real dialogue with someone who has a different worldview. What a wonderful opportunity for both of you!

There is so much more to our communication than just debate, and the skills of dialogue and deliberation – finding mutually beneficial understanding and solutions – will be crucial as we move forward in the weeks and months before and after the election to find a way forward.

There’s a relatively new campaign tactic called “deep canvassing,” in which advertisers are trained to have empathetic conversations with people whose beliefs they’re trying to influence.

Issue-focused groups like Neighbors United in British Columbia have found these tools to be particularly effective in convincing their neighbors of the urgency of reducing our individual carbon footprint and supporting community action on renewable energy.

This type of dialogue is most effective at the grassroots level when we address local issues where we can find common ground and see the impact on our neighbors and friends, regardless of how we vote at the national level.

The way we talk to each other matters in this moment, and it is a powerful inoculation against propaganda that begins by making people fear and hate each other and blocking any chance of dialogue. The end result of this path is violence and war.

But while words are one of the most dangerous weapons in history, Dr. Don Russo told a crowd that gathered in Southold in late September to dedicate a UN Peace Pole at Southold City Hall, our words can “bless, give thanks and heal them too.” around us.”

As we navigate these interesting times, it may help us all to remember the words of the old folk song: “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”

This practice goes far beyond holding hands and singing kumbaya. It is an essential way to walk the world, and if enough of us walk this way together, we will be unstoppable.

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