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topicnews · October 18, 2024

TikToker goes viral with his “shortest first date ever.” It sparked a debate

TikToker goes viral with his “shortest first date ever.” It sparked a debate

Maggie Smith, 32, walked back to her car in stunned silence.

The Alabamian had dressed up, applied makeup and gone to a restaurant for dinner with someone she met on a dating app. They had been texting and talking on the phone for weeks, but this was their first official date. She was looking forward to it.

However, this date lasted less than two minutes.

“I’m just not feeling it,” Smith remembers telling her shortly after they met outside the restaurant.

Feeling defeated, Smith shared her experience on TikTok, where her video garnered 11.6 million views and strong reactions. Many commentators have supported Smith. Others were cruel. Some have debated whether it is ever okay to end a date early and if so, under what circumstances.

Overall, dating and relationship experts say Smith’s brief date and the resulting internet ripples are a reflection of the frustration many feel with how superficial modern dating has become.

“So many of us have experienced rejection, judgment, or mislabeling while dating—and that sucks,” says Amy Chan, dating coach and author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.” “It is deeply painful to be judged superficially and not given a chance as a human being. … She’s not alone in her experience – unfortunately, it’s one of the harsh realities of dating.”

More: People pay thousands for a “dating boot camp” with sex experts. I have registered.

Dating apps have changed the way we interact with each other. It’s a problem.

Smith says she was upfront with her date about what she looked like long before they met in person. She had several full-body photos on her dating app profile and told her date when she called that she was plus-sized. He said he was okay with it.

When he rejected her on sight and in front of a group of people waiting outside, she felt humiliated.

“I was literally empty,” Smith says. “I almost ran past my car. I didn’t even recognize it. I was really dazed. “

Smith drove home in silence. When she arrived, she recorded a video talking about the date that she wanted to send to a friend. She decided to post it on TikTok too – and woke up the next morning shocked to find it had attracted a ton of attention overnight.

Despite the mixed reactions, Smith’s video has sparked a debate about dating etiquette. Some claim the man did the right thing by rejecting her at the beginning of the date so as not to waste more of her time. Others say it was still rude.

Smith understands both sides, but believes that what he did and how he went about it was definitely hurtful.

“It’s complicated,” she says. “Everyone also says, ‘Well, at least he didn’t waste your time. Would you prefer if he sat at the meal and told you about it afterwards?’ I would have done that. … It hurts much more that someone doesn’t even take the time to get to know me.”

More: Relationship experts say these common dating rules are actually ruining your love life

According to dating and relationship experts, the tough attitude Smith’s date displayed is common in the age of online dating. Thanks to the proliferation of dating apps, people have become accustomed to rejecting people out of hand — usually snap judgments based on little information.

This way of thinking has also carried over into the real world.

“Unfortunately, this is one of the consequences of online dating. “It’s made the process of finding a romantic partner something that feels more like shopping,” says Chan. “People select and discard potential matches based on superficial characteristics. With so many options available, it becomes easy to dehumanize others and reduce them to mere objects rather than seeing them as unique human beings.”

If you are the victim of such brutal rejection, the consequences can be serious.

“It can be very triggering and it can be shocking when someone treats you like that,” explains Stephanie Sarkis, psychotherapist and author of “Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.” She adds: “Unfortunately, this is the side of online dating that we really need to look at, which is that it encourages split-second decision making, which isn’t always fair.”

Is this the era of narcissism? Watch out for these warning signs when dating.

Dating can suck. That doesn’t mean you should give up.

Since her “shortest first date ever” went viral, Smith says she deleted the dating apps. She is still looking for love, but wants to focus on getting to know people in person so that her sense of humor and personality come through.

She also hopes her experience will remind people to treat the people you date with dignity.

“Preferences are not the enemy,” Smith says. “They never were. Everyone has preferences. There’s just a way to treat people when they don’t match your preferences. Don’t team up with them, then ask them out and then do this to them.”

Have you ever heard of “relationship shopping”? Maybe that’s why you’re still single.

While it’s okay to leave if you’re feeling insecure about your date, Chan says you shouldn’t back out early if the only problem is that you lack attractiveness. At least give them the time you agreed to – even if it’s just the length of dinner or a quick coffee.

“I think we’ve gone too far with the attitude of ‘no one is entitled to my time’ and our exaggerated sense of how busy and important we are, to the point where we’ve lost basic human decency,” says Chan . “There’s a real person in front of you, and you shouldn’t treat them like a disposable object just because you’re not immediately attracted to them.”

For Smith and others who have been through similar bad dates, Chan says that while it’s normal to feel hurt, you shouldn’t get discouraged.

“It only takes one,” Chan says. “Just because things didn’t work out for one person doesn’t mean you should stop creating opportunities for love in the future. You have to keep getting back up, and dating requires building the muscles of resilience.”

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